Cabinet Meeting after round 1 of Brexit negotiations

Chair: OK Item 1 on the Agenda – EU negotiations. Prime Minister, please report

PM: …we had a good meeting. Everybody was very nice. However, they want money.
Minister 1: How much money?
PM: Here is the breakdown
(admin. passes document looking like an invoice to other ministers)
Minister 2: What the Dickens? Minister 3: What’s this line down the bottom…”Surcharge – Nigel Farage being an arsehole in Brussels…100 million euros”?
Minister 4: They’re a bunch of highwaymen!
Minister 5: Did the subject of “soft Brexit” not come up
PM: Er… when I mentioned that they all looked at each other and then Guy said “so you want to pull out without really pulling out?”. Then they all laughed. I don’t know how to put this…they want rid of us. Macron has them all-a-giggle with his “France on the Move” stuff, and he and Angela couldn’t keep their eyes off each other. They also kept asking me how my “orange friends” were doing, and smiling all the time.
Minister 6: So, Prime Minister…we’re fucked aren’t we?
PM:…(shifts in seat)…have we written any position papers on what a very very soft Brexit look like?


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