Living will

by Graham Email

Here is a draft living will for use by those of us who want to limit the roles of government and religion:

I, _________________________ , being of sound mind and body, do not
wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.

Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of
pecker-wood politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their
lives depended on it.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up and ask for
a cold beer, it should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When
such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my spouse, children
and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call
it a day.

Under no circumstances shall the members of the Legislature enact a
special law to keep me on life-support machinery. It is my wish that
these boneheads mind their own business, and pay attention instead to
the health, education and future of the millions of Americans who
aren't in a permanent coma.

Under no circumstances shall any politicians butt into this case. I
don't care how many fundamentalist votes they're trying to scrounge
for their run for the presidency in 2008, it is my wish that they play
politics with someone else's life and leave me alone to die in peace.

I couldn't care less if a hundred religious zealots send e-mails to
legislators in which they pretend to care about me. I don't know these
people, and I certainly haven't authorized them to preach and crusade
on my behalf. They should mind their own business too.

If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns my case into a
political cause, I hereby promise to come back from the grave and make
his or her existence a living hell.

_______________________________________
Signature

__________________________________
Witness