Frontier Airlines

by Graham Email

I am currently on a temporary assignment for my employer in Seattle. This requires me to fly back and forth between Dallas and Seattle. The last 2 times I have flown this route I flew with Frontier in one direction.
The most recent trip was from Seattle via Denver to Dallas on Friday. I had to change planes at Denver, which involved a 100 yard walk between gates. Once on board the plane, it soon became clear that the flight crew were determined to put on a show. As we settled down, the following message boomed out on the PA:

"Ladies and gentlemen, just about everybody is now on board the plane, and as you can see, there are a number of empty seats. Now is the time for you to ask the cabin crew if you can move closer to the person you like the look of..."
With the doors closed, the crew launched into what has to be the most comedic flight safety briefing ever seen, complete with mime, crew members chasing each other down the aisles while explaining where the emergency exits were, and witty asides. Since flight safety briefings are normally less exciting than watching paint dry, this was a new development. We were then informed of the entire beverage list available, which included Coca-Cola corporation products, but (said in a whisper) "No Pepsi, No Cherry Pepsi..".
Off we flew to Dallas. She then announced "our flight time to Dallas will be, ooh, about four hours....er, no, just kidding, 1 hour 27 monutes".
20 minutes out from Dallas we were informed "I have just been speaking to the pilot and co-pilot; they think they've found an airport, so we're going to land at it".
As we prepared for landing, we were informed "those of you with checked baggage...the baggage was left behind in Denver, and we don't know what is going to happen to it (hysterical laughter)...(pause)...no...no...sorry..that is so not funny...we did bring it after all...it can be picked up at Carousel 32".
After landing, as we were taxiing towards the gate, the crew chief intoned "our on-board computer shows that 6 of you have already unbuckled your seat-belts. The computer software therefore assumed that you had left the plane, and it has dumped your baggage on the ramp". Immediately after this she came back with "For those of you needing assistance, our uninformed, er, uniformed service agents will be at the gate to mislead and mis-inform, er, help you".
As we drew up to the ramp, she reminded us "please make sure you don't leave any personal belongings behind in the plane. Of course, if you want to leave some behind, make sure that the flight crew will like them. We appreciate money, jewelry, chocolate, that sort of thing. Spouses and children, no. And we hate cellphones because they tend to start ringing at odd hours and people always come back for them".
There were a lot more jokes, but I forgot a number of them. I have seen flight crews on SouthWest do this, but they always made it sound like they were going through the motions. The Frontier crew actually made it look and sound totally non-contrived.
A fun airline to fly. Now if they would only quit placing adverts with KSFO...